The Princess and the Dragon (And Also a Goose)
Princess Clementine of Puddingshire has been carried off by a dragon. The King offers half the kingdom and a commemorative spoon to whoever brings her home. Nobody volunteers. A goose volunteers Pip, the stable hand, by pushing him forward.
Pip sets off with a pitchfork, a map that is upside down and no plan at all. The princess, it turns out, is not in any danger. She is bored, extremely capable, and has noticed something odd about the paperwork. Somebody has been editing the kingdom.
The cast
Pip BramblewickA stable hand with big dreams and small boots
Princess ClementineBrilliant, dry, and bored by peril
EmberA dragon with a bad back and worse finances
Admiral HonkA goose. Fearless, petty, always right in hindsight
Lord VexleyA sorcerer who writes terrible poetry
Professor FumblethornHer spells go about seventy percent right
Gary, the Night JanitorNobody knows why he is in this book
Mortimer QuillYour narrator, against his wishes
Eleven chapters
- In Which a Hero Is Volunteered
- In Which the Road Has Opinions
- In Which the Dragon Is Not What Anyone Said
- In Which There Are More Pages
- The Royal Bake-Off of Doom
- The Moderately Dark Tower
- Professor Fumblethorn's Unfortunate Exam
- In Which Pip Is Somewhere Else
- In Which We Finally Learn About Gary
- In Which Everybody Comes Back
- Happily Ever After (Terms and Conditions Apply)
Sixty-six pages in all. How much you change the story decides which of four endings you get, from Exactly As Written to Plotjacked. There is also one where the goose files a grievance.
Mortimer says"It is a simple story. Please do not turn the princess into a pie. Please do not hand the dragon a kazoo. And please, I beg you, stop putting the goose in charge of things."